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New On the Retirement Life Matters Website
As someone who is moving, as well as has an aging parent surrounded with too much, Vickie Dellaquillas’ book Don’t Toss My Memories in the Trash is a treasure trove of information about how to get started, move through the daunting process to downsizing and moving.
Who doesn’t want to be healthy? Jim Donovan thinks we should take responsibility for our health. Read how he builds his own health team.
As the New Year begins, many look for a place to volunteer or donate money. Read how researchers have documented that Heifer International is changing the face of hunger in the world.
It had been my intention to update this blog with daily tips of preparing a home to sell and the process involved in moving as a part of retirement life. Unfortunately, it seemed like I had a choice to either write about packing or actually pack.
Having watched my eighty-three year old mother struggle with downsizing and observing neighbors who have lived in their homes in excess of thirty years, it occurred to me that people should go through this purging process whether they plan on moving or not. One week plus into this endeavor, I’ve concluded no one with half a brain would subject themselves to this unless they absolutely have to. Every room is in disarray as we sort, discard (toss or put aside to give away or sell) and pack. I've received great suggestions from Don't Toss My Memories in the Trash, by Vicky Dellaquila. The purging feels good, but we’re currently in that place where it doesn’t feel like we’ll ever be done.
Here’s my suggestion on day nine of a major move. If you’re not moving, but want to free yourself from some of your possessions, start with one thing.
I hate throwing anything in the trash, so yesterday I gathered all the old pairs of glasses and put them in an envelop to:
Lions Club International
Attention: Receiving Dept
300 W. 22nd St.
Oak Brook, IL 60523
Put all you photos in one location. Even if you don’t put them in albums, having them all together will feel great.
Give something you cherish away. This is tough. I have wonderful antique furniture pieces that we can’t take with us. My husband made a solid roll top desk that is too big to fit in our new home. The thought of giving these items away that have been a part of my life seemed impossible. Once we did a floor plan of the new house and we realized we couldn’t take them with us, I took photos and thought about what they have meant to me. Somehow, it all came into perspective. It’s just stuff. It’s stuff that I’ve loved and has been an important part of my life, but it’s still just stuff.
I’d love to hear about your move or declutter projects.
Many are facing retirement life after being downsized. Often dreams and expectations are altered from the experience.
The first time I encountered a group of the over 50 set following a downsizing was after the collapse of Russia. I was still working on my masters degree in career counseling when I was asked to make presentation to a group of laid off engineers from the aerospace industry.
I wasn’t prepared for what I saw. These weren’t men who had just lost their jobs. They had lost their sense of self, as well as a way to earn a living. Their sense of value as human beings had vanished along with their work.
You can imagine my shock when I faced that exact situation five years later myself. With a partner, we had created an amazing career center from scratch. For me, it was the culmination of a lifetime of effort and work. I’ll never forget the day she said, “Cathy, I don’t want to do this any more.” I was absolutely destroyed.
Author, marketing executive and boomer expert, Carol Orsborn recently shared about her own downsizing that resulted in her writing the book The Year I Saved My (downsized) Soul: A Boomer Woman’s Search for Meaning…and a Job.
In those blackest moments, Carol writes, “When you give up the illusion of control, it’s true that you can’t always stop bad things from happening. But you can’t stop good things from happening, either.”
After I left the career center, for the first time in my life, I couldn’t find a job and fell into a deep sorrow that lasted almost two years. I refer to this as the time I lost my soul.
Ultimately, I learned I was solely responsible for my own happiness. The roles I had; mother, business woman, and wife were ways of expressing me, but they weren’t my identity.
There is a saying that the things that don’t hurt us make us stronger. Like Carol and many others, now I look back on the time in the wilderness as a gift. It led me to this work, painting and a psychological and spiritual health I never would have achieved without it.
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